The Stupid Sh#@t People Say in Recipe Comment Sections

As someone who spends an inordinate amount of time on recipe sites it never ceases to amaze me the comments people leave.  They fall into categories, but my favorite is: I didn’t make the recipe as written instead I … and then they conclude, but I didn’t think it was a very good recipe.  WTF?

Such is life in the age of the internet.  The next post will be a recipe so after reading the comments below you will be prepared to leave comments for me about how to remake my apple date square recipe – without butter, wheat or dates (they have too much sugar!) otherwise it’s a great recipe! ;-)

This was sent to me by a friend so apologies for not giving the original source ,if you know it please leave it in the comments.

Enjoy.

“I didn’t have any eggs, so I replaced them with a banana-chia-flaxseed pulse. It turned out terrible; this recipe is terrible.”

“I don’t have any of these ingredients at home. Could you rewrite this based on the food I do have in my house? I’m not going to tell you what food I have. You have to guess.”

“I don’t eat white flour, so I tried making it with raw almonds that I’d activated by chewing them with my mouth open to receive direct sunlight, and it turned out terrible. This recipe is terrible.”

“Could you please give the metric weight measurements, and sometime in the next twenty minutes; I’m making this for a dinner party and my guests are already here.”

“i dont have an oven, can i still make this? please reply immediately”

“Does anyone know if you can make this ahead of time and freeze it?”

“Have you thought about making a sugar-free version of this?”

“Can you give us a calorie breakdown for this?”

“I followed this to the letter, except I substituted walnuts and tofu for the skirt steak, ditched the cheese entirely, and replaced the starch with a turnip salad. Turned out great. My seven-year-old boys have never seen a dessert and I’ve convinced them that walnut-and-turnip salad is “cake.” Thanks for the recipe!”

“I’m having a lot of trouble signing up for your newsletter. Can you please assist?”

“a warning that if you cook this at 275°F for three hours instead of at 400°F for twenty-five minutes it’s completely ruined. do you have any suggestions?”

“I didn’t have buttermilk, so I just poured baking soda into a container of raspberry yogurt. It tasted terrible.”

“I love this recipe! I added garlic powder, Italian seasoning, a few flakes of nutritional yeast, half a bottle of kombucha, za’atar, dried onion, and biscuit mix to mine. Great idea!”

“Due to dietary restrictions, I am only able to eat Yatzhee dice. I made the necessary substitutions, and it turned out great.”

“If you use olive oil for any recipe that’s cooked over 450°F, the oil will denature and you will get cancer. This post is irresponsible. You should only use grapeseed oil you’ve pressed yourself in a very cold room.”

“[600-word description of what they ate today] so this will make a great addition!”

“I just started Paleo yesterday, and I’m wondering if there’s a way to make this without the ingredients.”

“I was all out of cake flour, so I transfigured my hands into puffer fish, which worked pretty well.”

“Have you considered making a version of this margherita pizza for your readers who are trying to avoid gluten, dairy and nightshades? What if I shoved a roll of basil leaves in my mouth, do you think that would taste good?”

“this was a very good post for your recipe you made, I made a similar recipe over at my blog last month, please consider linking back.”

“I’m actually a supertaster, so I can’t eat anything that isn’t licking the salt off the top of saltines; will this recipe work for me?”

“heal your body through food”

“If you don’t soak the seeds for at least fourteen hours before using, the phytic acid will give you cancer. Just thought you should know.”

 

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Holiday Dinner Party: The Song

This is increasingly accurate, tho in the song the inability of her dinner guests to eat is excused by their age.  Here in NYC plenty of people in their twenties and upward have all sorts of reasons for not wanting to eat certain things:  Pork, Shellfish, Meat, Dairy, Gluten, Food!  Etc.

My favorite line is: If your vegan why did you say yes?

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The Perennial Plate Gets Their Own PBS Show

The Victory Garden’s Edible Feast TRAILER from The Perennial Plate on Vimeo.

Mazel Tov!

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Global Fishing Watch

This is so cool you have to watch this.

Global Fishing Watch is a technology partnership between SkyTruth, Oceana, and Google, designed to show all of the trackable fishing activity in the ocean. This prototype uses AIS (Automatic Identification System) data to visualize the movements of global commercial fishing fleet.

 

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White Truffles vs Truffle Oil

IMG_5822For all my life, since discovering this fabulous, funky, pungent, tuber I have used it at home in the form of truffle oil.  A few times, on very special occasions, I have had it in a restaurant shaved over pasta as a very special treat.  Special because white truffles are so expensive. Truffle oil isn’t exactly cheap, you can easily spend $20 on a tiny bottle, often with a miniscule flake of white truffle in it.

Last week I saw a video where Joe Bastianich describes Truffle Oil as: garbage olive oil with perfume added to it.  To boot he also says: it’s hard to digest and you shouldn’t eat at restaurants that serve it!  The first thing I did was go on the website of Eataly which Joe is one of the founders of, to see if this mega mall of all things Italian sold it: they do not.  Then I asked Wikipedia Continue reading

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In The Kitchen with UrbanfoodGuy

Last week our friend Jeremy was going to come over to help us with our finances, especially Neil’s retirement investments which to us might as well be in Swahili for all we understand.  Neil has been traveling tons and Jeremy also is out-of-town a lot so I wanted to grab this one night we both had free to meet.  A few days before he came over Jeremy told me he was really into making videos and would I mind if he brought his camera.  At first I though this was odd, I thought we were going to talk about index funds or something like that?  I said sure and then wondered if I should prepare something, you know like I was about to film the pilot for my own imaginary cooking show (delusions of grandeur anyone?)  So I did a mis en place for apple date squares, a seasonal variation on the traditional date square so I would look prepared.

I had no idea what to expect.

We had fun and then a few days later Jeremy sent me this teaser video of what he had shot.  The music in the background was just the stereo which I should have turned off otherwise I think it’s great!

Enjoy ;-)

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Luang Prabang and The Apsara Hotel

IMG_5714This is my last post from my trip to SE Asia.

Sorry for the delay it’s taken me a while to get back in the swing of things since getting back home. Jet lag is hell.

Luang Prabang is a Unesco World Heritage site, the former capital of Laos located on a peninsula between the Mekong and Nham Khan rivers.

Undoubtedly it is the very photogenic and omnipresent saffron robbed Monks that capture the hearts of everyone who visits. With 34 protected Wats (temples) it is unlike any other place in South East Asia.   Continue reading

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